It’s later than you think

..lessons from a funeral

I grew up in a Buddhist household.

Compassion and kindness were visible to me throughout my childhood. My parents were heavily involved in the community events at the temple. They donated their time, food, and some of the little money we had, to support those less fortunate in the community. I saw the help they provided to those who stopped by our home to ask for it, and I saw them go out of their way to support the ones who didn’t ask but needed it.

The last lesson my parents taught me was at their funeral. They died a few weeks before my 12th birthday.

Growing up in Sri Lanka in the 80s during the civil war, I had seen my share of funerals. Funerals that spanned days, starting with a wake at the home of the deceased and ending with a slow walk behind the casket to its resting place on the last day.

I had a fever during the funeral which prevented me from walking behind the hearse, and instead I was driven to the final resting place. From the car, I had a unique perspective: a long line of people walking two by two, all clad in white, turn after street turn, seemingly with no end in sight. It was longer than any procession I had ever passed. I sat in the car amazed, feverish, in awe of the sheer number of people, strangers I didn’t know, who had turned up to take this final walk with my parents.

They told me all the stories. They told me how my dad never turned down anyone who asked him for help, of the meals my mom had cooked for them. The time, money, food, advice, kindness they shared. They told me of the difference my parents had made in their lives. I found it comforting when I needed it the most.

I learned some important lessons that day, that I’ve carried with me throughout my life:

• It’s later than you think, and your loved ones may not be here tomorrow. take the trip. hug today.
• Time is your most valuable resource. learn to fiercely protect it. give time to what you find valuable and say no to (most of) the rest.
• There is no time for pretense or hate or grudges. talk about it and move forward.
• Celebrate often. celebrate the small things. there is not enough of it if you only celebrate the large events in your life.
• The values you live by are the lessons your children will learn.
• When you have the answer to “what’s the worst that could happen?”, so many amazing things are still possible after that.
• live like you’re dying. not in fear of it, but with deep gratitude.

Most importantly,

all you leave behind is the difference you make in others’ lives.