The path to belonging
Recently, a funny thing happened at work.
“You have expertise in this area, can you weigh in?” I was asked. It was an unfamiliar question, and I was taken aback. “Do I?” asked the voice in my head. I didn’t say that out loud, because of course I had expertise in that area, and so I provided it.
Then it happened again a few days later, on some other topic.
At the end of the week, I told my mentor that this is the most respected my opinion has ever felt. And what a feeling!
I’ve been doing this over two decades now, and I’ve had to work hard to have my opinions heard and treated equally. I’ve had to learn to pick the right words, the right tone, on how to be assertive but nice, and keep emotions in check. I haven’t always succeeded at the latter, because sometimes when I’m speaking passionately about something I care about, my eyes water and I can’t help it. I have hated my body for failing me during those moments.
I’ve had to be really careful when I disagree on a topic, to make sure I don’t come across agressive, emotional or angry. Sometimes, I have been met with a perception of anger when I strongly disagree, no matter how calm I might actually be when I express my opinion. I have sent diverse perspectives in emails to only receive a baffling “calm down” response.
I’ve had my technical accumen questioned and things I already knew explained to me by those who made assumptions. I have seen others who came to the table at similar career levels, sometimes repeating what I might’ve suggested moments earlier, who are taken seriously and are given space for consideration, highlighting the inequalities between us.
What would it feel like, to be in an environment where you are treated like an equal? Here is what it means for me:
It means I don’t have to prove myself. I don’t mean that in the ways you have to prove yourself at a new job, that’s normal and everyone goes through that. I mean in the ways that I have had to, as a woman, as a person of colour, to prove myself over and over in all the places where I have been under-represented, before my opinion — the value I bring to the table — is considered with equal weight.
It means I can do great things, because there is so much energy left - energy I might’ve spent fighting to get my opinion heard - that I can use to accomplish all the things I want to, for my organization, and for the tech community.
It means I can be myself. It’s liberating. I’ve done my best to be authentic all my life, but there’s always a filter to my words. And that’s ok too, knowing how to speak to your audience is a key skill and I think I’m decent at it. But I’ve had to filter so much. When there is representation in the room, I can say hard things. I can bring up uncomfortable topics. A diverse perspective. I think that’s when we get to make real progress.
It also creates space for me to be honest about my lack of expertise in some areas. No one’s perfect, but when we’re not all treated the same, some will be afforded space for mistakes and space for potential, and some will not. But when I’m treated equally, I know it’s ok to admit “this isn’t my area of expertise, but I know who would be great for this”.
The path to belonging requires representation, inclusion, and most importantly, equity. Equal treatment in every single room and every single process.
In that kind of environment, I can do my best work.
